As a CEO, do you ever feel lonely?

If you do, you are not actually alone. Feeling alone (or lonely) at the top is rather common. I spoke to someone who spent 20 years at the same company, growing through the ranks quickly, eventually being promoted to CEO. After getting the company through several near-death experiences, fighting with their board and owners who had little understanding of the business they felt quite isolated at the top. Imagine being a leader who rarely if ever gets the support required to drive success. Sounds absolutely crushing. Yet, neither the first, nor the last time a CEO shares a similar story with me.

The place where the buck stops is a lonely one by definition. There’s nowhere else to turn to – or is there?

Every airline safety briefing always stresses the same thing, the mantra of caregivers everywhere: “Put YOUR oxygen mask on BEFORE helping others.” And who are CEO’s if not caregivers or caretakers for the companies and teams entrusted to them. They are the ultimate support mechanism for their teams, yet often they lack a support system of their own. They are so concerned with the wellbeing of their flock they completely neglect their own needs, and often the needs of their families as well.

Yet, there are several building blocks one can use to construct a solid support structure for themselves. It just needs to be intentional.

The Team

A cohesive leadership team (LT) takes a massive load off the CEO’s shoulders. It is not by chance that the LT is one of the very first things we as Metronomics coaches pay attention to. A 100% A-player, cohesive LT is a great help. Lesser LT, on the other hand, a crushing burden and the #1 barrier to success.

The Boss

“Boss? What boss? I’m the CEO!” Tell me you never had a board without telling me you never had a board. A great board, and especially a stellar board chair can provide tons of tailwind and support. As a founder CEO, you will build your board – be highly selective. If you are a hired-gun CEO, you may have less of an ability to influence the board composition, especially in an established company. In that case, make sure you interview them – as much as they interview you – before taking on the job. An awesome board chair often serves as a mentor to a younger CEO, which is great, but does come with risks. Don’t ever forget that their law-given, fiduciary duty is to the company – not to you.

The Mentor

Someone who’s been there, done that, and has no other motives than just to help you and see you succeed – what else is there to say? They’re out there. Find one. And, as soon as you can, give back and become one.

The Coach

I’ve been a CEO without a coach, I’ve been a CEO with a coach, and now I’m a coach. Having seen how much difference it makes, I want to make that difference for others. The coach works for you. You are paying them to do whatever they can to help you succeed, using their expertise. Their success is measured by your success. They are always, always in your corner – even when they disagree with you.

The Community

You may feel like you are alone, but you are not the only one. There are tons of CEO’s out there feeling the same burden of loneliness. Seek them out. Join an organization like EO, or an association relevant to your geography and/or industry. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Acetech Leadership, the non-profit organization of tech CEOs in British Columbia. Just look around, chances are you will find several outfits that provide gathering opportunities for leaders like yourself. Form a round table with a few other CEOs with non-competing companies of similar size and stage of development. Sign an NDA and share your stories and support each other.

Therapy

“You need therapy.” What a conversation ender, huh? Like “hey, something is off about you, go fix it before we can continue.” That is the stigma behind any conversation regarding therapy or mental health, but it is so wrong and so damaging. It’s like telling an engine: “You need an oil change? What’s wrong with you??” Our brains need maintenance and training, and a coach will take you only so far. Therapy is essential to deal with any baggage you are lugging from the past and is holding you back, as well as building resilience to the many mental and emotional challenges the top job inevitably brings with it.

Family and friends

Last but not least, many a CEO have said: “I want to thank my family for their support.” Honestly though, how often does that support consist mostly, if not solely, of a tolerance to the CEO’s absence? Don’t go there. It’s precious time you’ll never get back. I, along with many others, made that mistake. It is not worth it. Don’t sacrifice your family time or your social life outside of the CEO circles. Be more intentional about your time and boundaries around your availability. A coach will help.

What support structure did you put together for yourself? What is the very next thing you will do or change to make it stronger?